Fearing the Postman

Ah yes, can you smell that?
It smells like school application responses.
That old familiar scent.

It's about that time again folks, the time for actually being afriad to look at the mail that has just been dropped through the mail slot. And not because it could contain anthrax, that was so 2001.

Yes it's true. I have applied to school yet again. For the third time.
Why cant I figure out what I want to do with my life? I guess that's who I am.
I love doing so many things, I dont think I could pick just one!
I mean take this past year for example.
First I finish photography school, let's go take some awesome pictures! OR...we could get really interested in baking and decorating cakes. Yea! That sounds like more fun, so lets take some courses on that. I could look into finding a job at a bakery, OR...I could get kind of excited about animation! Yea! So lets apply for that! Man it's taking a while for news to come as to whether I've been accepted. Im excited to get my next tattoo...Oh man! I want to become a tattoo artist!

It never ends! My mind keeps racing with things I want to do, things I want to try, places I want to go, people I want to meet!
I cant keep track of myself anymore. I feel like one day I could wake up and I'll want to change everything in my life.
What's even more strange is, change usually scares the crud out of me.

But maybe in a way, I applied to school to keep things the same. I dont want to have to look for a 'real' job yet, that means commitment, and potentially moving out. Where as, if I go back to school, I'll be at the same job, still living at home, with the same routine. Safe.

Who knows what the real deep down reason is that I applied for school, to get my mom to stop bugging me about Animation school, to become a better artist for myself, because drawing for a living might actually be fun, because it could take me in so many directions i.e. tattooing?

I dont know for sure, but what I do know is that Im actually excited.
After so much denial and fighting with my mom about animation school for so long, I actually thought about it. It would be pretty awesome to be able to do what they do. After applying and going in for my orientation and FINALLY being able to see inside the animation studio at Seneca, I knew this was what I wanted to do for the next 3 years.

So this is the part where the postman is scaring the heck out of me. I dread hearing the slot click every day at 1pm. I walk to the door with fingers crossed that there will be a big letter from Seneca waiting for me beside my shoes. So far, false hope. But it's still too early. So Im working myself up for nothing.

Anyways, long story short. I applied for Animation at Seneca College, and when, not if, but when my acceptance package arrives, you better believe I'll let you know it.

Later days.